One year later...

All month, I've been flooded with flashbacks... what was I doing last year at this time?...

If I had known I would be reliving it, I would have spent less of my time on bed rest watching Fresh Prince of Belaire on Nick at Nite. It's very odd to think that I get emotional from the Fresh Prince.

I flash back to goodnight kisses from Hannah, one for me, one for her brothers (on my belly) -rolling my eyes at yet another amnio-reduction like it was no big thing - laughing with my sister over magazine horoscopes - eating delicious food made by the ladies from church, my sister, my mom's Bible study group - waking up in the middle of the night so my sister could hand me medications and milk - shopping at Motherhood clothing with gift cards from friends, barely able to try on one pair of pants before feeling winded...

So many memories that built up to the hardest memory of all - saying goodbye to my newborn baby. It was one year ago today. Last year at this time, a kind nurse was holding me, praying and crying with me as I dealt with the news that my boy most likely wouldn't live through another day, trying to give me hope that a miracle could still happen.

This day is going to be hard for me, I know. Tears are falling already and it's only 45 minutes into the day. Just wait until the time comes around 8:00pm at the moment that last year I said my last words to my baby boy: "Hope you like cribbage, 'cause your great-grandfather is going to be wanting a game with you as soon as you get through the gates".

Eric was the thirteenth great-grandchild for both my grandmothers. I was originally given a due date of Friday, October 13th, 2006. Those who are superstitious say that the number 13 is unlucky. Well, for me, 13 will always be a very special number because of my little boy - My "Lucky 13".